Zhannah's Joy (Smoked Salmon and Cucumber Salad)

What chili peppers and all things hot are to the Mexican palatte, salty fish is to the Russian palette.  The most important of these salty fish is salted cod, which is really not appealing to me.  And possibly the most beloved salad over here is salt cod under a fur coat (селёдька под шубой), which is minced salt cod covered with cooked shredded beets, carrots, and potatoes, all swimming in mayonnaise.  Now, doesn't that just get your mouth watering?

Oh, did I forget mayonnaise?  How about dill?  I think that you could add either of those two to anything, and it will become de facto Russian cultural property.  Take for example the "burrito" I bought from the local food version of Wal-Mart.  The outside resembled a chimichanga, wrapped in Armenian flat bread and fried, and the inside...well, it was pickles, mayo, dill, and something that resembled ham.  Though I could appreciate how appropriate it would be under the influence, my stomach just wasn't up for it at 3 in the afternoon. 

My wife, on the other hand, absolutely loves salted cod and heavy food.  I have made salt cod under a fur coat a few times, but my results weren't fantastic, and then she ended up eating all of it on her lonesome.  I had to create something that would convince me that I could somehow keep my sexy figure while appealing to my wife's lust for salty stuff.  Mayonnaise was out of the question, and so was salted cod.

Then I saw the capers in the shitty shitty grocery store next to the metro station. 

What follows is a simple salad that is far from manly food, but if you catch and smoke the salmon yourself, you'll save yourself from any potential emasculation. And if you catch said salmon with your teeth, you are the bombshit.

Oh, and by the way, this salad is named after my wife.

Ingredients:
2 small cucumbers with skin on, but into thin circles*

2 tablespoons of capers, chopped

1/4lb. cold smoked red fish (salmon is best), sliced into slivers**

1/4 cup chopped fresh dill

pepper to taste

1 tablespoon of fresh lemon juice

drizzle of olive oil

1. Throw it all togehter in a bowl. 

2. Mix it up.

3. Let it sit for about 5 minutes.  The lemon juice will slightly cook the fish, and the flavours will mingle. 

4. Eat it up.

the finished product.

*I use those skinny European cucumbers.  They have a very soft skin, but you can also use normal cucumbers, but you might want to remove some of the skin, as it's kind of tough.

**This type of salmon is usually called "lox" in the States.  You can used the hot smoked stuff, but it will taste a bit different.

***I usually don't add salt.  The fish is already salty enough.