11/25/15

Well folks, it’s Black Wednesday! Here at Food & Pussy International Headquarters the interns have all returned home, and the higher ups are not far behind. Tonight we’ll all head to pubs & saloons with relatives & old friends. We’ll all probably get into fights or vomit. With any luck, I’ll run into a girl from high school at the 5 AM bar down the street from my folks’ place who, older now & needy of attention, will suck my dick in the alley. Gotta love the holidays!

A great Thanksgiving pick-up line is, “Hey baby, you want to feast on a nice helping of my world famous MANberry sauce?!” LOL b/c it’s cum.

In my late teens, for a few consecutive Black Wednesdays, my friends and I would party hard, thanks to this one girl’s parents, who didn’t give one single fuck about our antics in their home. Everyone should have a friend with parents like that in his/her teens. It’s sweet!

So, being young and horny, I’d stay up drinking a gallon of sangria wine ‘til the sun rose, while nursing a shallow hope that I’d be hooking up with one of the chicks. Then I’d sleep ‘til about ten, maybe have a bite to eat, and head home to begin Thanksgiving festivities. Imagine those hangovers. They were brutal. But, lucky for me, each Thanksgiving at 11 AM, a local radio station plays this song:

Which, it turns out, is eighteen minutes and thirty seconds of Thanksgiving hangover cure. “Alice’s Restaurant” only holds this curative property once a year, Thanksgiving day. You’re going to want to have this jam handy come morning.

Good luck to all of you tonight. May you survive your binge drinking, may y’all copulate excessively and help each other cum--twice or more, & may you have enough weed to help encourage a gluttonous appetite come morning. Enjoy!

Frank X Maloney