Taste testing the forbidden fruit.

11/26/15

Happy Thanksgiving, America! I bet other countries wish they thought up Thanksgiving first, but they didn’t. So fuck you, world! Go to work! We here in the great USA shall be feasting!

I’ll bet a whole turkey that y’all can guess what I’m thankful for. Must I type the words? Fine. I am thankful for Food & Pussy. Pilgrims, the damned puritan lot of them, forgot that pussy is awesome & failed to provide hookers & gigolos for the guests. The effects of this error in judgement can still be felt today. It’s a crying shame, too, because all that feasting is enough to make a (wo)man fraught with horn.

A good rule of thumb for Thanksgiving: fucking your cousin is a no-no. Fucking your cousin’s wife, while gray morally, is totally crescent fresh. Especially if you and said cousin have worked out some sort of barter system. Wife for wife, weed for wife, $$$ for wife, you get the picture.

Have I ruined your idea of Thanksgiving yet?

Don’t fuck the turkey. I know that it’s hilarious to whip out your dick & say it’s your “baster” & touch it to the turkey. Your aunt probably doesn’t get such high-brow humor though, so save it, guy.

Well, I’m ending this for the day. I’m fucking hungry.

 

Frank X Maloney