Tongue-Punching the Fart Box; Or, Loosen Up and Lick Her Ass!
Recent studies* have shown that 100% of women like having their assholes eaten out, but only 20% of men ever venture down to brown town because 80% of men are ashamed of their lust for their ladies' anus and 98.2% of women are ashamed of their lust for tongues in their brown eye. Doctors are now recommending that everyone try a little ass to mouth, because a butthole a day keeps the doctor away.
Other fields of science are weighing in on the matter. Psychologist Dr. Harry Annis, a marriage counselor and expert in human sexuality with a Ph.D from a University, says,"We are finding that the most common cause for marriage disputes--and in young couples especially--is an inability on both sides to express a primal lust for giving and/or receiving sexual anal stimulation. I would strongly recommend to anyone engaged in sexual activity to give ass play a go as soon as possible, for their own good and the good of their partner."
To help raise awareness for an issue she has been affected by personally, self-proclaimed Poet Laureate of the Anus and Professor of English at a University, Susan O'Donnell has penned a poem, titled "Tongue-Punching the Fart Box." Here is an excerpt from the poem, the rest available at her website for a $5 donation to her charity A4A2M (Americans For Ass To Mouth):
"see the tiny starfish grow--
like a rose--in so much moisture,
into that blooming void, my sweet's tongue goes
and collects the precious juice
from my brown oyster.
to truly overflow thine loving cup,
and keep thine love still pouring in the glass,
I do proclaim, young man, do loosen up!
lift her legs up high
and lick her ass!"
Is the ass to mouth movement for real or are Americans being led on a wild goose chase up shit's creek? No one knows for sure, but this reporter is off to do some work in the field.
*these statistics might be fudged.
Frank Maloney is the founder and Editor-in-Chief of Food & Pussy. He boasts 0 college degrees and 0 credentials of any sort. He spends most of his time making cheeseburgers and country music. Reach Frank via Twitter at @frankxmaloney or by e-mail at frankxmaloney@foodandpussy.com
