Satante's I-Shart-On-Your-Sanctions Schi
A few months back, Western counties slapped my adopted homeland with a barrage of sanctions. Russia responded with banning Western food imports. The result is that my money doesn't go far, and Western food is basically unheard of. With the ensuing economic collapse, shit's gotten out of control expensive. The country's in a slump and I'm down in the dumps. Life for the Russian people fucking sucks.
Well, no, it doesn't, as this country's endured far worse. But it's not a hell of a lot of fun.
And there's one answer, one saviour. It doesn't heal the sick and raise dead, and sadly, it doesn't come from boiling clouds of thunder. My saviour comes in the form of the most traditional of Russian dishes. I'm not talking borsch--that stuff was invented in Ukraine, and though it's a staple of the Russian diet, I'm not going to give our neighbour to the West any more attention...no, they've caused me enough headaches, particularly during the summers of 2008 and 2010, well before the current fiasco.
This saviour is schi, a traditional Russian cabbage soup that will warm your soul and give you the power to judo kick your economic woes in the balls.
Ingredients:
4 tablespoons of sunflower oil
8 peppercorns
8 juniper berries
3 bay leaves
2 medium onions, finely chopped
2 lbs. beef, in big ass cubes
2 medium carrots, peeled and grated
1 turnip, peeled and cubed
1 parsnip, peeled and julienned
2 medium tomatoes, cored and finely diced
a grip of sauerkraut
a grip of finely sliced green cabbage
4 medium potatoes, peeled and cubed
45 grams of dried wild mushrooms or 8 ounces white mushrooms (finely chopped)
1 tbs. caraway seeds
1 tbs. paprika
salt and pepper to taste
quarter cup fresh, chopped dill (or 2 tbs dried dill)
4-5 garlic cloves
sour cream for garnish
"big ass" cubes of beef
a "grip" of sauerkraut.
1. If you're using dried mushrooms, soak them in boiling water until they're soft. Drain and chop them.
2. Heat half of the oil at medium high heat, brown your meat on all sides and remove.
3. Heat the rest of the oil at medium high heat, add bay leaves, juniper berries, and pepper corns. When it's hot, sautee your onions in this until they're slightly browned. (If you're using white mushrooms, add them in now, and cook them until they throw off and reabsorb their liquid)
4. Return the beef to the pot, and add the carrots, mushrooms (if using dried--strain and chop them first, but reserve the liquid), parsnip, and turnip.
5. When the carrots wilt a bit, add the tomatoes, and cook, stirring, until they almost dissolve.
6. Throw in your grips of kraut and cabbage (see photo for explaination of a grip). Stir!
7. Return the mushroom's soaking liquid (if using dried mushrooms) and enough liquid to cover the mix by about 3 inches. Bring to a boil and add the paprika, salt, pepper, caraway seeds and potatoes. Take it down to medium low, cover, and let that bitch ride at a nice simmer for about an hour and a half, or better yet, two hours. The longer the better, as the beef will get nice and tender.
8. Kill the heat, throw in your dill and garlic. Mix thoroughly and let it sit for about five minutes.
9. Serve with a goddamn dollop of sour cream.
Na zdorovie!
Notes:
1. Use fatty beef, preferably with a bone. Westerns turn their nose up at fat and bones, but they bring you flavour and warmth in this shitty, cold weather.
2. Some people chuck the soaking liquid for dried mushrooms, but I add it. Hey, more flavour.
3. Make use of those crappy conifers in abandonned fields and pick yourself some juniper berries!
4. Using normal vegetable oil is all right, but that "refined sunflower oil without scent" is for total limp wristed pussies. Get the real stuff, and enjoy the taste of Russia!
5. You can use sauerkraut in cans or buckets, but the stuff here is sold in little buckets, and as you can see, it looks more "alive" that the commercial stuff. You can produce it yourself at home, but I'll have to talk to some pensioners to get the process down. Believe me, you'll never enjoy commercial kraut again.
6. Though all the ingredients are totally Russian, and produced here, I use that bit of paprika to give a shoutout to our homeboy Viktor Orban in Hungary for keeping it real (and to impart a lovely touch of red to the schi).
