12/8/15 & 12/10/15
Eureka! I’ve found the rallying cry for the Food & Pussy community! The theme song for the Food & Pussy movement! The hands-down-no-doubt best damn song of all time! Lasses & gentledudes, I present Dan Reeder’s “Food and Pussy”
How this jam has escaped me all this time is beyond me, but boy am I glad I found it. Good luck getting it out of your head anytime soon!
This is turning into the Food & Pussy every-other-Daily, is it not? Shit, I’m fighting through a bout of writer’s block at this very moment! But I persevere, to fill your computer screen with babble & chatter of absolutely no consequence whatsoever! Yes, I battle on! I continue my heroic struggle to type 200-900 words per day & publish them, significance be dammed!
I blame the sun! It’s hard to be inspired when the sky gets dark at 4:20 PM. It’s much easier to get stoned & take a nap. Maybe if I get a little more stoned, I’ll think of something funny to type. Be right back!
I did go get high! That was two days ago. Two whole days have passed between the completion of the last paragraph & the beginning of this one. Blows your mind, does it not? What? It doesn’t?! Oh. Okay.
Well, I’ll tell you why it’s been so long since you’ve heard from me. As I previously stated, two days ago I left my computer to go get high in the Food & Pussy International Headquarters Employee Drug & Debauchery Longue. I took a few hits off the bong & giggled in appreciation of the old Sifl & Olly episodes playing, on loop, on the longue TV. Then I must have dozed off for a bit.
N.P. Yuggoth, acclaimed author of stiff-fiction & regular F&P contributor, was shaking me when I came to. “Scro! We’ve got to go! There’s no time to explain!” Rarely do I see ol’ N.P. so worked up, so I shot up off the couch & followed him to the elevator & down to the LL, where we keep the real good drugs.
“Dude, I can’t smoke DMT right now, I’ve got to finish my fucking daily!” I waved my arms in Yuggoth’s face when he failed to respond. “Hey! Are there dicks in your ears, huh?! I can’t, can not, not right now, anyway--I can’t smoke DMT!” He stood there, shrugged, & smiled in the foreboding way only N.P. Yuggoth can smile. I knew then I was in for some shit.
A ding, & the elevator doors slid open. I followed N.P. through the mushroom garden, past the lab where highly-paid graduate students of chemistry mixed pure LSD, MDMA, DMT, & DPT for our recreation, through the greenhouse, & finally into our outdoor garden (empty now, due to the season) where Mr. Zambezi, The Consummate Gentleman, & an unknown woman were waiting.
When he noticed us approaching, Zambezi bellowed, “You finally fucking made it! All right, time to go find the meaning of life!”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” I queried.
“This,” The Consummate Gentleman (CG) butted in, motioning towards the mystery lady, "is Gwen Stark.”
“The Gwen Stark whose vagina is shaped like a heart?”
“The very same! It turns out that the heart shaped pussy contains secret powers, man!”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
Now it was Yuggoth who spoke, “Dude, I know this sounds fucking crazy, but we all fucked this chick!”
“You mean we all fuckin’ cream-pied her, man!” the CG added.
Yuggoth again, “Yeah, and after I came inside her, I fuckin’ pulled out, zonked out, and saw the beginning of the universe. I wasn’t tripping or anything, it was so real! I saw it man, how this all came to be. All from cumming inside Gwen Stark’s heart-shaped fuckbox!”
I cast a suspicious glance over at Zambezi, who simply nodded, adding only, “Do it dude. It’s crescent fresh.”
TO BE CONTINUED…
Will Frank fuck Gwen Stark’s gorgeous, warm, tight, & pink vagina until his erect penis sneezes his jism directly into her?
Yes!
But what happens after he cums? Tune in tomorrow for the thrilling cumclusion!
