Taste testing the forbidden fruit.

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Posts tagged short stories
Cruiserbound by N.P. Yuggoth

The doorbell rings twice before Huey builds up the energy to push himself out of his seat. 

"Goddamn it, I'm coming!" he shouts, reaching for his cane as he stands on wobbly legs.  To think that someone is interrupting his Saturday afternoon gets Huey cursing under his breath.  Fall is all about relaxing and getting away from the world, but today has been anything but.  Earlier, he had the Jehova's Witnesses banging on the door at a quarter past ten, then he had to see his daughter off to college.  Then help his fucking wife load her baked goods in her goddamn Volkswagen.

"Can't a man get any peace and quiet around here?" he grumbles and lets out a series of racking coughs.  He had been looking out at the bay until that damn doorbell started ringing.  The whitecaps on the deep blue were lulling him to sleep, and the shadows were starting to stretch across the hardwood floors when...

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Death To Ukrainian Prostitutes by N.P. Yuggoth

It's Thursday night in Upper Michigan.  A rainy, shitty night in mid November with nothing to do.  I've been staying with my brother and his wife for a few weeks.  And though I am quite fond of my sister in law's cooking, I really want to get some pizza.  After all, my brother and his wife are off doing something tonight.  I'll have to fend for myself. 

I haven't been to the local pizzaria for a long time, and I love their sauce.  The last time I was up here, I ate here at least twice a week.  Taking the ferry over to the mainland, and driving up over the Mackinac bridge, I was thinking of nothing but that pizza.  How did I actually forget it for the past two weeks?  Oh yes.  Deer season.  Waking up at the fucking crack of dawn.  But not tomorrow.  Deer season is over.

There is hardly a soul when I arrive.  The lone waitress attends to me, delivering me the meat heavy pizza that I so crave.  She's probably in her mid forties and doesn't wear a wedding ring.  A few lines on her face attest to her age, but her blonde locks and chipper demeanour mean that she hasn't given up on her beauty yet. 

I eat over half of the pizza in silence, savouring every bite.  I only pause to scan the waitress' figure for signs of imperfection.  She is rather good looking, I reckon.  A one time she was probably a near 10.  She's now a solid 8, maintaining herself while all the other girls got fat and chopped their hair off.

I finish up and get a carry out box, not knowing how I am going to bring it back to my brother's place on my bike in the rain.  There is no way I can stuff another bite into my gut.  The mere thought of pizza almost makes me ill. 

I pay my bill.  On my way out, I notice Tom Robinson tending bar.  This dude was here the first time I came around, about 4 years ago.  I'm curious as to if he'll remember me or not.  He's chatting with the lone waitress, sometimes looking up to watch a muted hockey game on TV. 

"How was everything, man?" he asks. 

"Killer, dude," I answer back. 

I'm about to leave the building when I see a bearded man in a tan suit coat playing Street Fighter II.  It's the only arcade game that this place has, and it's somewhat of a small miracle that the fucking thing still works.  It's been out for nearly 20 years.  Perhaps the owner pays for it to be repaired--there just can't be that much customer demand for a cult, early 90's arcade game. 

The man's obviously quite engrossed in the game: he's pulled up a stool and has several stacks of quarters in front of him.  His fingers slam the buttons from time to time with intensity.  When he loses a round, he swears in a foreign language and plugs in another quarter. 

Something is familiar about this man. 

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The Second Cumming by N.P. Yuggoth

She was undressing me.  I tried unlacing my shoes, but that turned out to be too formidable a task for my bumbling fingers.  Razzie lit candles.  Not just a few, but dozens.  A huge portrait of Jesus adorned one wall of her living room.  One of those Passion of the Christ type things, with the crown of thorns, and blood all over his face.  More Halloween than Christmas or Easter. 

Somehow, she got me into bed.  I was lying naked on that bed, and she was trying to get me ready to copulate.  Some guys are able to perform with a BAC of .20, but I'm not one of them.  I've got to give Razzie major props: she tried.  She tried really hard.  But nothing happened.  I only stopped her because I felt her trying to put a finger up my ass. 

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